Gently atoning

I knit this for my father in law when he was ill more than 10 years ago. I wanted to knit something to show support, but what do you knit a guy who lives in the Arizona desert?

The kippeh never fit correctly and I joked with him that he’d have to use packing tape on his bald pate to keep it on. Even on my husband, it looks like a muffin top perched on his head.

After he died last month, we brought home a few momentos, some shirts, a razor… this.

For those who observe, today is Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. While it is trendy these days to practice self love, I also believe self love comes with the responsibility to acknowledge the places in our lives where we have allowed the moths in, places desperately in need of darning.

Death can cause similar reckonings. Since Jerry died, I’ve been hugging Mitch tighter, mindful of the 66 years that encompassed my in laws relationship, knowing that it probably felt like forever and the blink of an eye.

On our wedding day 23 years ago this month, I said to Mitch, “No matter how long we’re together, it will never be long enough.” I feel the truth of that statement so keenly now.

Today I am thinking about the places where my work is weak and times I haven’t shown up for my family in ways that lift all of us. How I want to foster more community in our lives, more connection, more...

Jerry’s passing makes this cold October day, this solemn holiday, all the more poignant, his empty kippeh a reminder of loss but also of a life well lived and that all we can do is move forward, loving actively and harder with both our hearts and our hands.

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