Laptopasaurus

Dell Vostro 2510

Time to boot up: Could feed cats, take out recycling, make bed, compost coffee

Time to boot up: Got hungry cats

Appearance: Dirty; lots of hair wound around keys

Appearance: A glossy, ruby red; no biohazard in keyboard

Performance: Regularly sh*t the bed, much rebooting

Performance: Like butter

Keyboard: Exclamation points and quotation marks iffy

Keyboard: Sweet

Weight: Bowling ball

Weight: Down pillow

Screen:  Looking through a mirror darkly

Screen: Cinemascope

Coolness factor: Wholesale embarrassment and deep shame

Coolness factor: It’s not a Mac, but it’s not bad!