Mom did some helpful searching and found these instructions about joining afghan squares. Granted they are for “crocheted” squares, a detail I neglected to take into account when I followed this bit of advice:

Before joining squares, you might want to put a round of single crochet on your squares using the same color for each final round. You can also use the border to make up any difference in size. For example, if you get a 5 1/2" square and you're aiming for 6" you could put a border of dc instead of sc or whatever you need to get it to the size you are looking for.

I have several such pieces, and being somewhat besotted with crochet at the moment, immediately set upon one of the smaller units. Two hours later, I decided I would be sporting bedsores should I finish my afghan in this manner. Out came the steam iron. Stretchy wetchy little squaresy wearsy. 

Mom is somewhat appalled by this approach. “You’ll flatten the stitches.”

“Mom, no one is going to be wearing this thing to the opera.”

So picture me this weekend, tapestry needle in one hand, trusty GE Lightweight in the other.

I leave you with this chorus from the Pajama Game:

I got (clang, clang) steam heat.